Your Questions About How To Save Energy At Home For Kids

MIL rant and advice please?

Basically I have dated hubby for a total of 3 years plus 9 months of marriage. A few months before me and hubby’s wedding we were planning to move out on our own. However MIL offered me to live in for 150 a month which I thought was reasonable. By then we were always courteous with each other and never really had any problems. When wedding time came around me and hubby had difficulties with the venue we were having our wedding at so we decided to cancel. His grandma decided to help pay some of the wedding (600) and my family would pay the rest basically (we decided to have a small civil wedding (30 people) and dinner. Basically at the end of the night my family footed over 1500 dollars, and MIL never EVER offered any kind of help (flowers, cards, etc). I decided not to fuss too much about it since I was never really much of a bridezilla. So we remained living in and slowly her “controlling” side came along.
I know that these are little things I’m fussing about now, but when they add all up it just really annoys me.
First of all she is REALLY CHEAP. As in she took 2 CRUISES before we married (just to show how much she cared in helping out). Her own bathroom is in deep darkness as she prefers to only have 1 lamp “in order to save money in energy costs”. The hall closet had it’s doors taken out so it became a “drying rack” for the laundry (because she doesn’t want to spend on drying clothes on the dryer).
Furthermore she doesn’t have her OWN computer so she was to use my husbands (which is in our room), and most of the time it takes the little privacy we have in the house. Sometimes I come out of the shower wrapped in my towel and several times I dressed with her in the room because she couldn’t take the CLUE to *gtfo*.
Also, she is so cheap that she sold off her old ass car and she hasn’t bought one since. We had an old 1993 model that his grandma gave him which she would get mad whenever I drove to school because it’d add on mileage on it and depreciate it’s value. Eventually she got hit by another car and we used the money that we received to buy a new one. The FUNNY thing is now that we have a brand new spankin’ car she doesn’t care about adding countless miles on it. Me and hubby split the car payments, insurance and gas, and she pays her part in insurance and the gas she uses. What drives me nuts tho is that she decides to just make plans when me and hubby have to go to work and need the car, and does not inform us until the day before or the day of. This morning for example she told me she was going to pick her daughter at work to go shopping (which is about 40km min of trip), and I told her that me and hubby had work. So her “compromise” was dropping me off, going to pick her daughter up, go shopping, go home, pick me up once I am done, and pick hubby up once he is done. Then I said “isn’t this too much hassle?” and she started giving me attitude by saying she taught her kids how to compromise and that if she worked she could afford the gas…….and in my head I just really wanted to strangle her.

Another rant I have about her is that she is a HYPOCRITE. She has a huge closet in the master bedroom, she takes the front closet with her stuff, and the hall closet with CHILDREN’S MOVIES. When I moved in she basically made me throw a crapload of stuff away saying I didn’t need it. Basically me and hubby share a single person’s closet and half of the front entrance closet (for shoes and jackets). Then she decides she doesn’t like my shoes in the front closet and tells me to move them somewhere else. So I actually asked her to sit down so we could talk and I said: this is your space, you are always talking about sharing space but yet you have like 80% of it all and I feel like you are bullying my things around. Don’t expect someone to throw their things away if you can’t throw your useless things yourself. (she was very evasive saying she’d watch the children movies still – which I never seen in my full year living here, and that she uses a full container of paint that takes part of the front closet.)
In addition, she acts like she is the healthiest person around (everything she buys is whole grain), and she goes to the gym 5 days a week. The funny thing is she can’t see sweets or leftovers, it will be gone faster than you can bat an eyelash. She has no self control in her eating whatsoever.

Now I help out with 400 dollars for rent, plus the car that she is technically using for free to go to her gym and groceries. Not to count the fact I brought in a better couch, 4 leather chairs for dinning, a flat screen tv (32″ replaced the old tube tv they had), a full set of white china and cutlery, and a flat tv for her own room. – so don’t think I’m leeching for free. Don’t get me wrong I really try to like her but some part of me just can’t like her

why do people choose to have children?

Let’s face it, anyone would be better off financially, career wise, and time wise if they did not get themselves or anyone else pregnant.

Having children is very expensive, takes up a ton of your time, forces you to have to buy bigger houses, bigger cars, etc. etc. etc.

I find it amazing how much pressure families put on young couples to reproduce and give them grandchildren.

Imagine for a moment a married couple who simply makes a choice to NOT become parents. They can both have careers where they can earn good money because they have a lot of free time to devote to their career. Once you get off work, you can come home to a QUIET Comfortable and STRESS FREE home where you can enjoy a glass of wine or listen to some soft relaxing music.

The couple can also have a lot of opportunity to enjoy a healthy sex life using birth control. They can enjoy a secure financial life because 2 adults do not require the financial output that a couple with kids must provide. In turn, the couple could devote their time and energy to becoming top players in their careers and both earn a decent income so take that income and imagine two productive, educated adults both with good jobs… Imagine the life they could have, the places they could go together, the fun they could have, the cars, houses, vacations, EARLY RETIREMENT and Luxury. Etc. etc. etc.

All you have to do is simply NOT have a child and your life expenses drop to like 1/6 what a couple with a child will have to pay out and save over their lifetime. Even at 21 they are not free, many children today still live at home with their parents into their late 20′s early 30′s!!! College is becoming more and more expensive and LESS and LESS valuable in the real world of jobs and experience.

Seriously?? Why do so many people apparently not realize that having a child is a CHOICE. You do not have to have kids just because you got married!!

I also find it interesting that so many married couples actually believe that having a child somehow makes marriage EASIER…. Are you kidding me??? Having a child puts DOUBLE the strain on a marriage!!!

Please don’t post any answers in regard to RELIGION.. Please… Give us some REAL reasons not religious nonsense about how we are all “Suppose to reproduce because the bible tells us to..” I mean COME ON people…

Do you think of GREEN TECHNOLOGY as GREEN MAIL; fluorescent lights and ethanol driving up food prices?

This technology, ie ethanol, flourescent lighting is poor quality, less efficient and inflationary. Look at food prices as farmers commit more land to ethanol corn. Look at the cost of a flourcsent light compared to a simple incandescent-in the home-in practice with all the switching on and off, incandescent lights use less energy due to the fact that flourecscents must remain on for several hours before they save money. That is why office buildings and factories have long used flourescent lihgts, they leave them on for up to 16 hours a day with no shut offs save closing time. Now how often do you turn the light on and off with little kids? I speak from experience as I am a dad and business consultant. We must pay for groceries and electricity at home and at work.
Who do think benefits form expensive ethanol and flourecent lights?
Who do you think pays for this waste of money?

If I were to move out of my parents’ house, how do I do it without ending up poor?

I’m a 19 year old male still living at home while attending University. Honestly, I absolutely hate it. I’ve always hated it. In fact, EVERYBODY hates it here. That’s because there is so much negative energy and unspoken tension. My parents are very dysfunctional and unhealthy people, even before they had kids. They were not emotionally mature enough to take care of kids, and I still don’t think they are. My dad has problems with drinking and anger. He has 0 respect for others. My mom was submissive and constantly excused his behaviour, even if he called me names. She would just say that it’s okay because he grew up in an abusive home, therefore that’s just his personality and she can’t change him. I mean, wow. I’ve never heard a statement like that. I can’t change someone, so I just have to put up with them, even when they are drinking and violent?

My mom claims that he’s going to counseling regularly now. After hearing that he went to counseling several times and given up after a couple sessions, I’m honestly not very confident that he will continue to go. Besides, even if he was serious, I could only ask why it took him this long to change. Oh, and what’s even more pathetic is that my parents attempt to make me happy by giving me money, buying me things, or buying me food. That does nothing but make me angry. There is only one thing they could do to make me happy, but they will never do it, so I give up.

Yes, I am not happy. I am completely miserable. I’ve wanted to move out ever since I was 13 if you can believe that. I’ve always been told that it’s impossible though. Right now, I have about $6,000 on me, mainly from student l***s (can’t say the word, otherwise I get thousands of scam answers, but you know what I mean). I’m in my second year of University. I think I can save money because I don’t have a car (or even want one to be honest), I don’t drink, and I don’t smoke. I’m extremely determined, so I can survive on basics for a while and make sacrifices. I don’t have a job, but will be looking for one very soon.

So basically, I’m just asking for advice. Being an adult, I honestly feel I need to separate myself from my parents because I suffer from so many problems and living at home prevents me from moving past it. It doesn’t help when my parents constantly compare my to all the people in the world who get abused as kids and accept it, forgive, and move on. Of course, my parents are extremely ignorant and don’t realize that those people are a select few out of thousands who suffer from mental issues, and even those who do get over it needs a lot of counseling. Besides, my parents haven’t forgiven their families and allow them to ruin their lives, so basically, their advice is absolutely worthless. I will forgive, but for my own benefit and not theirs, but unfortunately, I simply can’t do it while living at home. So finally, can you please help me figure all of this out?

Boyfriend wants to take a step back but still be together?

My boyfriend of a year, we broke up for 6 weeks of no speaking at all and have been back together for about 7 weeks due to fighting issues. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 24. Things have been going well lately and fights are small. For about a week or so now he’s been acting really strange around me, really quiet and unaffectionate.
I finally asked him why he looks so stressed out lately. And he said he was just thinking
For a while that he really never wants 2 get married or have
kids and that he doesn’t want 2 break up but thinks we should take a step back
and go back 2 dating because it’s easier, so I asked if he wants an open relationship
And he said no he doesn’t want 2 see other people but that relationships are too
much drama and it would suck 2 get a divorce. And that no guy ever truely gets
over an ex and he wouldn’t want another chick 2 have 2 get over cuz it truely
sucks. So he says he cares about me a ton and its up 2 me and what I want 2 do
So I said maybe it’s just me and that we shouldn’t b together. And he said he’ll still
wants 2 b together but it’s really up 2 me at this point. He said he doesn’t want 2
lead me on 4 a future. We talked 4 5 hrs in his car till 4am. I’m really confused. He went from talking about no future 2 well see how it goes. He said he wants 2 b together as dating to
be less stressful and more fun but that we shouldn’t see other people cuz he’s
over dating and relationships are 2 hard. I asked if he loves me and he only said he
cares about me a lot. He said were like an old married couple and he’s bored and
in a rut because we always do the same thing and I always schedule stuff like 8 days in
advance, just like hangouts and he wants more freedom to play video games , hang
out with friends. He says I went back 2 being clingy and smothering him with my
dependency and he wants me to do My own thing, that he feels bad that since
friday is our date day he feels bad bailing to hangout with his friends once in a
while cuz ill b sad and put him on a guilt trip and stay home. He says sometimes
he doesn’t feel lk hanging out but feels obligated and its not fun half the time
cuz he’s tired or sore or sick , so he’s already in a mood 2 begin with then ill
annoy him with lil things lk that all ill do is gossip when were 2gether cuz we
have diff interests , so hell b annoyed with my lil habits cuz I have 2 much
energy. He said he’s doing this 2 try 2 save us cuz were both not very happy
with eachother and bored and he’s right, he said he wants 2 see how this goes
with me having my own life and giving him his space then we can eventually talk
about the future 2gether. He asked if I see us 2gether in the future raising
kids cuz well prob clash on raising it. He says he knows he’s an ass and that
I’ve tolerated it a lot longer than most any1. He said he wants 2 make our
dating more fun. I said let’s just break up cuz this obviously isn’t working,
that you do want 2 get married just not 2 me cuz u don’t think you can take 24
hrs of me and the more were 2gether the more its gonna hurt 2 break up later and
that there is no pt 2 dragging this out when were both unhappy. He said the ball
is in my court but that he really doesn’t want 2 break up. I didn’t say anything
after I said what I needed 2 say about us breaking up and got out of his car and
was going 2 get in mine and he just grabbed me and hugged me but I wouldn’t hug
him back , so he wouldn’t let go 4 lk 5 min. And he was just saying that I don’t
see it now but its 4 the best if we do want 2 get married eventually. I stayed
quiet still got in my car and left and I didn’t let him know when I go home so
he kept txting that he was worried. I just said I’m fine night. This is a very
confusing situation.

He made a lot of valid points about me being clingy again, he said he
was so proud of me when we were broken up that I was going out and doing my own
fun stuff , but now I again won’t do anything without him
attached at my hip. And he’s right all I do is gossip and I know I’m annoying
sometimes. But he pretty much said he didn’t love me that he cared about me 2 much 2
leave. I don’t know if its my cue 2 leave or try his new system out . what do I do?

How should I go about paying down my debt?

My fiancée and I have a lot of student loan debt. We also now have mortgage debt from a condo we bought a year and a half ago and a car loan that has 4 years left on the loan. We do not have any credit card debt. Our wedding is in about 4 months, so most of the money we have left over every month goes to that. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, in cash.

So my question is: After the wedding, which debt should we focus on? Let me give you some more details:

Fiancee’s student loan debt: ~$70,000, ~6.0% interest rate, ~$820 monthly payment
My student loan debt: ~$80,000, ~5.3% interest rate, ~$1000 monthly payment
Car loan: ~$12,000, 2.9% interest rate, $270 monthly payment
Condo: ~$125,000, 5.5% interest rate, $724 monthly mortgage payment (not including taxes and condo fee)

The student loans include many individual loans that could be paid off one by one to lower the monthly payment.

The amount we owe on the condo is about what it is worth, so it is probably safe to say that we are slightly under water on the mortgage.

I currently have about 2 months worth of expenses saved as an emergency fund.

After expenses every month my fiancee basically breaks even but I have about $400-$500 left over to either save or pay down debt. We are currently living in a one bedroom condo and would like to have kids 8-10 years from now which is how long we plan to live here. At the current rate that we are paying down the student loans they will be paid off 8-10 years from now when we will be ready to look for a new house. Houses in my area (washington dc area) are very expensive. Our plan was to basically put all our money into the condo so we would have a nice large down payment for a house when we are ready to sell. On the other hand, we would like to pay the student loan debt down, and also the car.

Some other points to consider: We could easily rent out our condo to cover all of it’s expenses plus leave us with a small monthly profit. We also expect home values in this area to go up. We already live within walking distance of a very desirable area where values for similar properties are double what we paid for ours. Also, within the next 6-8 years, the county plans on putting in a much needed streetcar system which will have 3 stops within walking distance from our condo.

Where should we focus our energy? Just the student loans? Just the condo? The car? Or all 3?

Thanks for your help.
This is pretty much the cheapest property that you can buy in this area. We are now spending $100 less per month than we were when we were renting. And like I said in the description, selling the condo now isn’t an option as it may be slightly underwater.